I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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