if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
