Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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