ugly people sure do ruin things
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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