it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
