I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
