Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
