All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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