i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
