I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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