Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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