im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
