I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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