The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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