He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
