from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet he comes in French.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
