Sry I called you an 8
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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