I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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