fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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