she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
