I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
