I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
