I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize