i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
