proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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