do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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