Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
