i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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