That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
