peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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