just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
