Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
