if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
