i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
