she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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