take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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