sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
