Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
