why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
