Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
