i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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