just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a beard to bite.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
