She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
