Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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