Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
