that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize