Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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