I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
