hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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