i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
