whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
