if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
