You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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