Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
