I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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