i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
