Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize