took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
