I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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