Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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