We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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