And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
