he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
