Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Come on in and take your pants off
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