I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
