May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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