rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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