you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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