Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What a dumb baby whore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
