By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
