Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
